Most of us were never taught the language of emotions.
We learn thousands of words throughout our lives, yet many people struggle to answer simple questions such as:
What am I feeling right now?
What do I need?
What is the other person feeling?
What might they need?
As a workplace mediator, I have spent more than three decades helping people navigate conflict. Whether the setting is a workplace, a family, a classroom, or a close relationship, I have noticed the same pattern again and again: people often know they are upset, frustrated, or stuck, but they struggle to put their experience into words.
And when we cannot name our experience, it becomes much harder to understand it, communicate it, or respond to it effectively.
That observation led to the creation of the Dictionary of Feelings and Needs.
The Power of Emotional Vocabulary
Marshall Rosenberg, the founder of Nonviolent Communication, observed that strengthening our vocabulary for feelings and needs improves not only intimate relationships but also professional ones.
The reason is simple.
Language shapes awareness.
The more precisely we can identify what we are feeling, the more clearly we can understand ourselves. The more clearly we understand ourselves, the more effectively we can communicate with others.
There is a significant difference between feeling angry, disappointed, hurt, frustrated, powerless, overwhelmed, or anxious. These words are not interchangeable. Each points toward a different experience and often a different unmet need.
Likewise, there is a meaningful difference between needing respect, clarity, autonomy, belonging, understanding, fairness, or trust.
When we expand our emotional vocabulary, we gain access to greater self-awareness and greater choice.
From Cards to Dictionary
The journey began with The Empathy Set, a collection of feelings and needs cards inspired by the work of Marshall Rosenberg and the principles of Nonviolent Communication.
The cards quickly revealed something important.
Many people needed more than a word. They wanted definitions. They wanted examples. They wanted help distinguishing one feeling from another and one need from another.
The Dictionary grew out of that need.
Each entry includes a clear definition and related words that help deepen understanding. The goal was not simply to create a reference book, but to create a practical tool that could support empathy, emotional literacy, and communication in everyday life.
Naming It to Tame It
Research in neuroscience suggests that putting feelings into words can reduce emotional intensity.
When we can accurately identify and name what we are experiencing, we often become less overwhelmed by it.
Instead of being consumed by an emotion, we begin relating to it with awareness.
Naming a feeling does not make it disappear. It helps us understand it.
And understanding creates the possibility of responding rather than simply reacting.
Feelings and Needs as a Compass
One of the core ideas behind the Dictionary is that feelings and needs function like a compass.
Feelings tell us something important about our relationship to our needs.
When our needs are met, we may feel joyful, peaceful, connected, grateful, or fulfilled.
When our needs are unmet, we may feel anxious, frustrated, disappointed, lonely, resentful, or overwhelmed.
Rather than viewing emotions as problems to be eliminated, we can learn to see them as information.
They point us toward what matters.
A Tool for Empathy
The Dictionary was created not only for self-understanding but also for understanding others.
Many conflicts soften when people feel heard and understood.
When we learn to listen for feelings and needs beneath criticism, defensiveness, demands, or silence, new possibilities emerge.
Conversations become less about winning and more about understanding.
Problems become easier to solve.
Relationships become easier to repair.
One Word at a Time
The Dictionary of Feelings and Needs was created with a simple hope: that better words can lead to better conversations.
Whether you are seeking greater self-awareness, deeper empathy, healthier relationships, or more effective conflict resolution, emotional vocabulary matters.
Every feeling has something to teach us.
Every need points toward what supports human flourishing.
And sometimes a single word can change an entire conversation.