You finally said you were hurt, and got a wall of reasons back. The words "you're being defensive" are right there on your tongue. Before you say them, here is what actually gets your hurt to land, even when you are right that they are defending.
Is Avoiding Eye Contact Always a Trauma Response?
Not necessarily. While trauma can influence how we experience being seen, most gaze aversion has far more ordinary explanations. People look away to think, to listen, to show respect, or simply because direct eye contact competes with concentration. Drawing on the work of Stephen Porges, Allan Schore, Ruth Lanius, and Laurence Heller, this article explores the relationship between gaze, safety, and the nervous system, while challenging the common assumption that looking away always signals emotional wounding.