How is empathy defined?

Roman Krznaric.jpg
John Ford How is empathy defined
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A note before you read (2026)

This was the first post I published on The Empathy Set blog and, looking back, I'm struck by how many of the themes that continue to shape my work were already present. My understanding of empathy has evolved since then, particularly around the distinction between imagining ourselves in another person's situation and imagining what life might be like from their perspective. Today I would place greater emphasis on what I call genuine perception and deep imagination—carefully observing, listening, and then imagining the other's experience rather than projecting our own. Still, the heart of the article remains unchanged: empathy involves understanding another person's feelings and perspectives and allowing that understanding to guide our actions.

My First Blog

I remember when I was first learning the skills of mediation encountering the idea of empathy.

First, I wasn’t sure I could define it myself. Second, I wasn’t really sure I knew why it was so important. And finally, I definitely wasn’t confident in my ability to be empathic, let alone support others in conflict, be empathic.

So, it’s been a journey, and one I am happy to take, and now am very motivated to share my discoveries and insights garnered along the way, both as a professional mediator and trainer, but also, as a human being, experiencing life.

I am eager to make empathy more accessible, more practical, and more widely used.

The starting point, is of course my first doubt and clearly defining what we mean by empathy.

I’m sharing my current favorite definition by Roman Krznaric from his awesome book called Empathy:

“Empathy is the art of stepping imaginatively into the shoes of another person, understanding their feelings and perspectives, and using that understanding to guide your actions.”

I love that he honors the most common understanding of empathy being walking in the shoes of another. Not you in their shoes, but you imagining yourself to be them, and in their shoes.

To do this we have to imagine and draw on our life experience, but not in a way that makes it about ourselves. Our focus always is on the person for whom we are seeking to be empathic with.

When we seek to imagine what they (not us) would be feeling and what their perspective is (without judgment) we are getting into the empathy zone.

But importantly, and this is consistent with most emerging definitions of empathy, it’s not good enough to just imagine, we need to show we care by taking action.

Because, if we don’t, our expressions of empathy seem insincere and hollow.

My awareness of the importance of empathy continues to grow.