In 2023, I asked ChatGPT to define empathy. Its answer was surprisingly good: empathy involves understanding and sharing another person's feelings and perspectives. Yet the more I reflected on the response, the more I realized that defining empathy is only the beginning. This short reflection explores what AI captured accurately and what deeper dimensions of empathy deserve attention.
What is Emotional Intelligence?
What is emotional intelligence, and how is it different from emotional literacy? Drawing on Daniel Goleman's influential definition, this article explores the relationship between emotional intelligence, emotional literacy, empathy, self-awareness, and relationship skills, and why developing emotional literacy is often the first step toward greater emotional intelligence.
Four Ways We Avoid Our Feelings—and What to Do Instead
What are faux feelings and how can mediators can use them to get to the heart of the matter?
Can words like betrayed, ignored, disrespected, or manipulated really be considered feelings? In this mediation story, John Ford explores the concept traditionally known in Nonviolent Communication as "faux feelings" and explains how such expressions can serve as valuable clues to the deeper feelings and needs beneath conflict. Updated with reflections on why he now prefers the term "storied feelings."
What is Empathy?
Drawing on a definition offered by Paul Bellet and Michael Maloney, this reflection explores empathy as the capacity to understand another person's experience from within their frame of reference. While simple, the definition points toward a deeper practice of listening, curiosity, perception, and imagination that lies at the heart of empathic connection.
The Importance of Empathy
Empathy is often described as the ability to put ourselves in another person's shoes. But empathy is more than simply understanding another person's perspective. It is a way of paying attention that helps us listen more deeply, build stronger relationships, navigate conflict more skillfully, and respond with greater care.
This short animated video offers an engaging introduction to empathy and why it matters in an increasingly divided world. While simple, it highlights many of the themes explored throughout this site: curiosity, perspective-taking, emotional awareness, and human connection.
Differentiating Between Feelings And Faux Feelings
What is the difference between a feeling and a judgment? In this article, John Kinyon explores the NVC distinction between feelings and what were traditionally called "faux feelings"—words such as betrayed, ignored, and disrespected. Accompanied by a contemporary editorial note, the post also traces the evolution from "faux feelings" to the more nuanced concept of storied feelings, where the feeling is real but the language carries a story about cause, interpretation, or blame.
The Atlas of Emotions
The Atlas of Emotions, developed by Paul Ekman and Eve Ekman in collaboration with the Dalai Lama, is an interactive map designed to help people better understand their emotional lives. By exploring the five emotion families and the pathways that connect them, we can develop greater emotional literacy, self-awareness, and compassion.
The Science of Emotions & Relationships | Huberman Lab Podcast #13
In this episode of the Huberman Lab Podcast, neuroscientist Andrew Huberman explores the biology of emotions, attachment, and relationships. Drawing on neuroscience research, he examines how early attachment experiences, adolescence, hormones, and neurochemistry shape our emotional lives and influence how we connect with others throughout adulthood.
Empathy vs Sympathy: The Real Difference (and Why Sympathy Gets Such a Bad Name)
Empathy and sympathy are often contrasted, with empathy celebrated and sympathy criticized. In this reflection, John Ford explores the important distinctions between the two, argues that sympathy may be more misunderstood than flawed, and explains how shared experience can support empathy when it is used in service of understanding another person's experience rather than shifting attention to our own.
Helen Riess on Empathy
In this excerpt from The Empathy Effect, Dr. Helen Riess explores empathy as a human capacity rather than a single trait. She argues that empathy involves perceiving, processing, and responding to another person's experience, while also checking for empathic accuracy. Her work highlights that empathy is not simply something we are born with, but a skill that can be developed and strengthened.
NVC Lifehacks 51: Negotiating a time out
Stephen Covey on the Talking Stick
Why did Stephen Covey describe the talking stick as "one of the most powerful communication tools" he had ever encountered? In this excerpt from The 8th Habit, Covey explains how the talking stick creates understanding before problem-solving, transforming conflict into cooperation and helping people feel genuinely heard.
Talking Stick: Peacemaking as a Spiritual Path
Stephan Beyer explores the talking stick as a core practice of council and circle process. By allowing only the person holding the talking piece to speak, the circle creates a space for attentive listening, equal participation, and thoughtful reflection. The result is not only greater order and safety, but a deeper sense of community and shared understanding.
Cultivating Empathy and Compassion
In this article, psychologist Paul Ekman explores the relationship between empathy, emotional resonance, and compassion. He describes the importance of recognizing emotions in others, distinguishes between different forms of emotional resonance, and outlines four expressions of compassion ranging from concern for family members to concern for all living beings.
Empathy over the Phone
Empathy over the phone can be more challenging than in person, but it is still possible to create connection, understanding, and trust. In this practical article, Doug Wojcieszak shares simple techniques for conveying empathy during difficult phone conversations, including active listening, reflecting understanding, expressing concern, and following through on commitments.
The Empathy Set App
Discover how The Empathy Set App helps individuals, couples, families, coaches, mediators, and teams identify feelings and needs, build emotional literacy, and communicate with greater empathy. This short video introduces the app and demonstrates how it transforms emotional awareness into meaningful conversation.
Kid tears card as powerful gesture on path to resolution facilitated by teacher!
In this short interview, educator Nona Ikeda shares how she used the Empathy Set to help two students resolve a conflict at a Northern California charter school. By identifying and communicating their feelings and needs, the students were able to move beyond blame and toward understanding and resolution.
Regenerating the Social Landscape, Transcending Polarization, Division and Conflict
In this conversation with Javier Rodriguez of KMUD Community Radio and the YMCA Retreat Center, John Ford explores the growing challenges of polarization, division, and conflict in contemporary society. The discussion examines how empathy, listening, dialogue, and conflict resolution skills can help individuals and communities move beyond entrenched positions toward greater understanding, connection, and collaboration.
Tips to Maximize Your Conflict Resolution Experience
Conflict resolution conversations rarely succeed by accident. Drawing on principles from mediation, negotiation, emotional intelligence, and empathic communication, John Ford outlines ten practical strategies that can help participants prepare effectively, communicate more clearly, listen more deeply, and increase the likelihood of reaching mutually beneficial agreements.